"the thing that was keeping me alive for so long was now killing me"
...as sad as it may sound, all my life, my goal has been to fit in. I think to some extent , everyone has that desire. People want to be like and accepted by their peers. Unfortunately, or should I say fortunately, I have never been able to accomplish this goal. I met a lot of individuals. They are somehow nice to me and I did show to them the same way. But I never let them have the chance to be with me and know me better. Am I a selfish idiot?... I think I'm not. I just don't want others to be involved in me and know the dark-lonely-miserable-life of mine.
Seriously I am no stranger to depression. It’s hard to describe. My life hasn’t been all fun and games . When you see me smiling, you see the other side of me. Happiness is sometimes temporary, problems too, unless if they will be solved- if not, they will remain dark shadow and will still be with us wherever we go. This is what my life goes like. I'm in and out of trouble . However I never let someone knows it. I keep it myself. The only comfort I find is lying in bed. There, I tend to talk to myself or to HIM about the heartaches that I feel and the pain that I caused to my family and love ones. Then, I'll start to cry... feeling guilty of all the things that i committed. I can't help it but cry and realize that i should have thrown in the towel long time ago.huhuhu
Here I am, trying to overcome the wall that I am facing now--too high for me to reach it.
Here I am, trying to overcome the wall that I am facing now--too high for me to reach it.
I'm so down...really! I'm having hard time going through all these. Because of the mistakes that I made, I think I'm heading toward disaster. I'll have my spot mark in hell. I'll have prime real estate in the hottest place there is.
I somehow hoped that someone could rescue me from my struggle but i think no one would...would you?hahay.
I came here in this city not just to have fun, rather I wanted to escape from problems. I thought having this kind of life would make me happy. instead I become more depressed and I realized that I was wrong. I just put myself in a very difficult situation.
I'm struggling...No way to tell them, because I don't want to become suicidal..huhu
soon I'll forget...I know there has to be change...
Drew, when u try to please everybody. . . everything will start going wrong!
ReplyDeletefit in?
do you really need it? wants and needs are two different things!
or maybe, because you were struggling too much to fit in with some circle, you have overlooked the circle you already have!. . .
a selfish-idiot?!?
i think you are. . .Drew, i think it's time you stop listening to the echoes of your own thoughts!
you're trying to fit in, but ur not letting anyone go inside ur heart? don't u think it's a bit scrambled?!?
geez, i'd like to know my friend's life(including the dark and miserable). . .
i can't rescue you, but im willing to take the ride with u. . .whether the ride would be swift or not, i don't care(it will be exciting just the same)
if you're in a difficult situation right now, who isn't?
goodluck on ur struggles Drew. . .
change is constant!
when i told you that we are friends, i meant it!
Uly